Phone Call: The Script

ARoB, Technology by

[phone ringing in handset]

[half ring and sound of recipient’s handset being fumbled]

Rob: “Connecting Point Computers, this is Rob.”

Me: “Hello, I was calling regarding my MacBook Pro. I left you a message yesterday and…”

Rob: “Yesterday? Yesterday was Sunday.”

Me: “Yes, I left a mess…”

Rob: “We don’t work on Sundays.”

Me: “I know, that’s why I left a message.” [awkward pause] “There was an option for voicemail?”

Rob: “We wouldn’t have checked that. We don’t check our messages.”

Rob (as an afterthought): “We’re too busy.”

Me: “Interesting. Anyway, I’m calling because Apple told me to get in touch with you regarding my MacBook Pro. I have a reference number with my case notes if you’d li…”

Rob: “We don’t need that. Doesn’t matter. You just have to bring the computer in and we’ll tell you what’s wrong with it.”

Me: “Wow. Well, that’s actually what I’m trying to do. I need to see if you can repair it in house or if you’ll ship it out.”

Rob: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “So you’d like to know what’s in my case notes, then? Okay, well the latch is a bit sticky, there is a sputtering noise in the lower right corner (like a fan?) and there is a high pitched buzzing in the upper left.”

Rob: “So there’s three things wrong with it. We only fix one. Otherwise, we have to send it out. You’ll have to come in.”

Me: “Will I be treated with this amazing level of customer service when I arrive because this is probably the rudest phone call I’ve experienced in awhile?”

Rob: “Yes, we will be treating you with excellent…”

[handset clicks onto receiver]

Bonus: This should have been my first clue. Marvel at the web design principles of a bygone era: 1997.

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