Douche-y things…
I spent a lot of time on America’s highways and byways (and triways?) this weekend. It was a good opportunity to notice how many doucheflakes are commuting to and fro in this great land. I thought perhaps I’d write a list of the most douchetacular things I’ve encountered. Here we go:
- By far the worst, the faux testicles that people buy to hang off of their trailer hitches. Ew. And ew again. I don’t want to see your nut sack and I certainly don’t want to see anything that resembles it on your Ford. Thanks anyway.
- Euro plates on non-Euro cars. A ’92 Accord coupe with Euro plates does not make any sense. Even if you did spend $57.83 to get clear tail lights and M3 mirrors on eBay.
- The Dodge Caravan/Plymouth Voyager/Chrysler Town & Country. Any year, any color. Bonus points if it’s from New Jersey. Double bonus if it’s rusty, too.
- The L.L. Bean Edition anything. Enough said.
- No turn signals or fifteen miles of turning left…especially when it’s a cop. (Thanks, Kate.)
- Old people driving a Mercedes R-Class (champagne, of course), ten miles per hour below the speed limit, in the left lane, all four of them zoning out while staring in different directions.
I should have written this up the other day when I was still enraged. Sorry for the lack of oomph. However, I know you all have a favorite that you’d like to share. (Lindsie, I’m looking at you and your trips on the 76s.)