I’ve discovered the secret to human reproduction

It’s not what you think. (Read on…)

My theory is that, upon entering our mid-twenties, many of us have worked with or encountered friends that are slightly older than we are. These friends do not have children when we meet them…not yet. But they do seem to have it together and present us with a sense of “well, I’d like to be that way in a few years, too.” Then these wonderful couples get pregnant and suddenly having a kid seems to be something that is approachable, possible, real. You find yourself suddenly thinking “well, maybe I could do that, too.”

Now, a bit of my backstory: for as long as I can remember, I have always been resolutely against the idea of having any sort of offspring (Clyde not counting, of course.) It would put a kink in my plan of jetsetting, globe-hopping, champagne-fueled exploration, you see. My family has always taken great glee in telling me that “someday you’ll change your mind.” Always with a little smirk. I never understood what they were talking about. Perhaps I was to be waiting for a sign or some sudden shift in my own thinking (this does not often happen.)

Now then, maybe this is it? In which case, I must ask, “why did it have to be some sort of mystery?” Why couldn’t someone have just said “well, wait until your friends start having kids and somehow pulling it off, then you’ll start thinking differently?” Presumably, my parents, aunts and uncles had the same thing occur in their mid-twenties, right?

If nothing else, should I have a small Nick or Nicolette, I resolve to tell them exactly what I have just told you here when they get to be about 17 or 18. That way, they won’t be so completely surprised by how this all works.

I blame this all on Knocked Up…