Gnawing in my stomach…
I hate 12 hour fasting for blood tests. At this point, I’m too hungry to feel hungry and this apple is mostly making me nauseous. Oh, health!
I hate 12 hour fasting for blood tests. At this point, I’m too hungry to feel hungry and this apple is mostly making me nauseous. Oh, health!
I spent three hours of my day in the lovely Chester River Hospital Center. (Yes, that name sounds absurd to me, too.) I was there for a CT scan because I’ve recently been plagued by recurring, nauseating migraine headaches. We got to CT scan levels today because yesterday’s migraine included a loss of visual acuity in my right eye. I’ve made a helpful diagram to describe this anomaly:
On top of the awesome vision issues, my right arm went numb today while I was at my desk, prompting me to freak the fuck out and – at Alex’s commendable prodding – head to the ER across the street. So, this leads then to my CT scan, which came up normal. And this amazing look:
Afterwards, I headed back to the eye specialist in Easton that I was sent to yesterday for a “visual field” test. I entertained/alarmed Kate by wearing an eye patch back out into the waiting area. (And got kicked for my humor!) Tomorrow: MRI in Easton, hopefully in the morning. Kate’s dad seems to think I had a mini-stroke, so we’ll see what the finer imaging turns up. :/
For awhile now I’ve been quietly dealing with a nihilistic quality in the very core of myself. Maybe I was consciously aware of its presence and maybe I wasn’t, at least not entirely. This little voice deep down inside has been there, always causing me to negate the value of things I really want to hold valuable. For example, I may think “Man, that is a truly beautiful Mercedes…the lines, the color, the presentation of the design language!” but my personal Nietzche will then counter with “Think of the resources depleted to build it and the money required to buy it…it’s destroying the world! How dare you care!” I get really, really excited about art and design and purpose-built beauty – but then find myself feeling guilty because of the impracticality of these things, or the attention they may draw away from what I perceive to be bigger concerns.
Of course, some things fall outside of this sphere. Love, friendship, family, humor, sadness, sex, achievement and learning are just a few “pure” elements that cannot fall victim to my analytical dissection. They do, though, occasionally get lost in the silt clouds as I muddy the waters with near-constant mental struggles.
How sad, right? How utterly ridiculous…how arrogant to think that it’s my sworn duty to worry about “the BIG picture” at all times.
Well, enough is enough. I can’t be rid of my nihilism – indeed, I think it’s probably one of my most important characteristics, one that creates a tension that’s extraordinarily valuable for viewing my world – but I can decide that some things are worthy of passionate exploration, devotion and interest. I think I’m going to start listing these things as they come to me and I’m not going to allow myself to question them.
Today’s items that matter are:
Since I’m at work, I should probably stop and, you know…work. But, this list had to come out this morning while it was still fresh and felt important.
Frankly, I feel better already. 🙂
I don’t really remember Penn State going all apeshit over commencement weekend. I’m sure they probably did and I was just (willingly) oblivious, but MY GOD IN HEAVEN, this school goes NUTS. Fireworks. Picnics. Readings. Concerts. Did I mention fireworks? We’re so incredibly short-staffed during normal operations, so you can imagine how overworked nearly everyone on staff was this weekend. When we all had to work. I think it all went well, but by the time things were wrapping up, my head was spinning and there was no one left with any sanity to offer an opinion. Hope you liked it, parents and alumni! We’ll be here again next year, ready to song and dance you into happiness.
In other news: I’ve been totally addicted to Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure since borrowing Matthew & Robbi’s GameCube (thanks, guys!) To the point where I found myself falling asleep in front of it at 2:30 this morning. I recall thinking, “but, with just 800 more force gems, I could save…I’ll just leave it on all night.” Luckily, my inner hippie kicked himself awake and said “no, it’s really not worth that amount of waste, dumbass.” Still, though, my addiction is deep enough to even consider such things.
I have a feeling this will totally break the homepage, so click the “view full post” link!
I officially purchased the nerdiest thing I’ve ever owned. Well, within recent memory. Kate and I were in Capitol Comics, searching for Transmetropolitan Book #8 when I saw her. Hanging in a box without corners on the wall high overhead: my very own Six. Now, I too can be given ideas in every day life by a woman in a red dress.
Yes, officially the nerdiest thing I own, by far.