(Fuck yo)UPS

Thanks, UPS, you bunch of asshats who clearly live in a reality that is not the same as the rest of the Western hemisphere. Exactly WHO is not at work in the middle of the god damned day? I suppose there are retirees, unemployed and second or third shift people amongst your clientele but, by and large, people who receive packages are NOT FUCKING HOME DURING THE DAY! With this fact accepted, I have some questions:

1. Why do you still insist upon delivering things that require signatures between the hours of 9 and 5?
2. Why, too, do you refuse to allow me sign the Info Notice (there is a line on the back for this!) or leave a note with my signature as validation of delivery?
3. Why do you specify that a second attempt will be made between time x and time y and then show up at time z?

To add further insult to this injury, calling 1-800-PICK-UPS (a pick me up it is not) results in a dumbfounded automated voice, two useless customer service reps (“David” and “Christopher” my foot,) and the revelation that you no longer offer second attempt delivery during the same day AND switching to a work address now incurs a $10 fee per package!

These are all WONDERFULLY consumer friendly practices, UPS. For your sake, I really hope that when the sorting center finally does call (as rep #3 promised they would) they CAN send the drive back out because the last I checked, 1:55 pm is BEFORE 2 – 5 and he FUCKED UP, not us.