Devotion…
So, have you had a Fuze beverage? I’m just checking, because every once in awhile, I bump into someone that has yet to discover the magic that is Fuze. Made from delicious fruit juices in delightful combinations like “Dragonfruit Kiwi” and “Mango Mellon,” these drinks promise to keep you alert, slenderized and energetic. I’m not sure if they deliver on all of these fronts, but I can tell you that a bottle typically packs a day worth of vegetable nutrients and serves pretty well as a lunch replacement if you juts can’t leave your desk. They also have the amazing ability to stay delicious even when warm, clearly showing they are intended for the poor cube drone. So spectacular are these treats that Kim and I used to split them as a work day pick me up several times a week – and this would often become the sincere highlight of our days.
Well, recently I introduced Lindsie to the glory and splendor of Fuze. She, of course, was smitten and professed her love for the liquid manna to me today. Being that it’s a very slow week for office workers everywhere, we crafted this fan letter and submitted it moments ago:
Dear Fuze People,
We love everything you stand for: you make our day complete and what’s more, you complete our lives. Your delicious beverages are there for us each morning, cold and refreshing. Even better, after a long day of office slavery, your magical liquid is still tasty as ever when again our lips meet back at the cubicle.
In short, Fuze may be the single best drinking product we’ve ever stumbled upon in our grocer’s refrigerated section. And for that, we owe you a undying debt of gratitude.
Tearfully,
Nick & Lindsie
I received an automated “we’re reviewing your letter” reply. We shall see if anything more comes of this. Hopefully it will be better received than my letter to Bravo asking why Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style adverts have a bunny playing the drums looming behind everyone’s favorite stylist for no apparent reason. I’m sure that was filed straight away into the “complete nutter” bin… I needed to know, though!
Bravo, I’d still like to know. What gives with the bunny?
I discovered Fuze during my junior year in college. I gulped it down while with some friends in the Student Union. After I had emptied the tall glass bottle, I started rolling it back and forth between my hands since I love to fidget with anything within my grasp. My coordinated self lost control after a few tosses, and the glass bottle hit the tiled floor with a “CRASH!” The entire Student Union went silent, and there were some gasps. I had to clean up millions of shards since it was 10pm and the janitorial staff was nowhere to be found. I haven’t had a Fuze since, but now I am craving one. Good story.
Maybe you’ll get some coupons.
I can’t remember if I’ve had a Fuze yet or not (which, after reading your post, leads me to believe that I haven’t; for if I had consumed one I would damn well know it).
The response:
Thank you for contacting The FUZE Corporation. We are always happy to hear from our loyal consumers and are glad that you took the time to share your comments about FUZE brand products.
As a consumer-oriented Company, your feedback is extremely important to us.
Again, we appreciate your loyalty and patronage. If you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again. Best wishes!
Sherry
Industry and Consumer Affairs
Team FUZE
What? No coupons? Boo, I say! Look at all the publicity we got them! 2 whole people put on paper that they would try some Fuze! Jeez….