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BMW (USA,) we have to talk

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Specifically, we have to talk about this ad:

You see, the more I see it (and it’s in heavy rotation on the channels I frequent – like 10 times last night on the History Channel), the more it’s driving me mad. Let’s break it down, shall we?

  1. Americans did not create Efficient Dynamics. That would be the Germans, probably spurred on by the European Union and countries like England giving incentives to drivers with lower carbon emissions and higher overall fuel efficiency. When you are peddling cars with inline 6s, you really do need to create a way for them to be as intelligently efficient as possible. I understand this, but please don’t tell me that it was American Ingenuity™ that created Efficient Dynamics. Or else I’m claiming schnitzel, too.
  2. On that point, Efficient Dynamics should not be confused with the two diesel models that BMW has decided to sell here in the US. The Efficient Dynamics program, as it exists in its native lands, is actually about stop/start technologies, regenerative braking and other ingenious solutions to bump up fuel economy while driving down emissions. In Europe, diesel is often the standard choice for vehicles like the X5 and even the 3 Series – because they are efficient. It’s not Redundant Dynamics.
  3. That being said, can we talk for a second about the advertisement itself? Holding a CFL bulb and talking about greener car technologies seems logical enough. Where this ad goes batshit fucking insane is when it continues to talk about being better to the Earth while TWO THOUSAND LIGHTBULBS BLAZE TO LIFE! Even if it was computer generated, it’s still completely daft.
  4. I’m also not entirely convinced that a diesel X5 that gets 25 MPG highway is all that much greener than a gasoline X5 that gets 21 MPG highway (and costs $4,000 less.) Additionally, I’m not sure that a gasoline 328i that gets 28 MPG is that much worse than a diesel 335d that gets 36 MPG and costs $10,000 more.

Now BMW, you know that I love you. I defend your honor any time Clarkson trashes the X3. I think that the Efficient Dynamics program is brilliant when looked at as a whole. I even get past your weird fascination with using the abbreviation E.D. for both this program and European Delivery when you know full well that many of your buyers have a little blue pill for another E.D. all together. But, the next time you decide to talk about efficiency, let’s at least have the 320d, X5 30d and the rest of the “d” variants on the screen for US consumption, okay?

Perhaps, perhaps…

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The Daily Galaxy (a blog I’ve not read before) ran a small article on the 14th regarding the (from America, anyway) minute possibility that the Universe is poised to become the new religion. While I’d like to think that awe over the grandeur of the entirety of space and the elegance of quantum theory will replace belief in myths and fables at the center of human existence, I do worry about calling anything a religion. I think that implies an attachment and rigidity that we should probably avoid going forward – if the Universe teaches anything it’s that change is constant and entropy is a-comin’.

Richard Dawkins & Carl Sagan: “Will the Universe Be the New Religion?”

There is, of course, something reassuring about saying “the Universe works in mysterious ways” instead of the usual statement. Richard Dawkin’s interview (included in the article) is delightful, but it could be the Religulous talking.

Gag me. Now.

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The fact that Ted Nugent has a hunting cabin near my home, making him a favorite of my dad and his buddies only adds to how infuriating the existence of this event is to me:

Verizon Wireless Sponsors Anti-Energy Bill, Right Wing Event

It’s like, can Verizon make itself look any more evil?  Align itself any more with the WalMart, phone holster and buckshot crowd? Can the rally attendees be any more the stereotype of themselves?  “God gave us the right to keep and bear arms?”  Seriously?

(Thanks, NewsJunkiePost.)

Update: Ironically, this is post number 1776, according to WordPress’s numbering.

Loose change on global currency

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You may remember that, after the global recession hit full swing, some curious news reports about creating a single global currency began to surface.  Well, from rumors to a report by the United Nations itself, the single international bank concept is gaining traction.  Here’s the latest from Bloomberg:

UN countries should agree on the creation of a global reserve bank to issue the currency and to monitor the national exchange rates of its members, the Geneva-based UN Conference on Trade and Development said today in a report.

Almoste makes me want to head up to Pittsburgh for the G20, just to hang out in hotel bars and listen in on the latest gossip.

Jade green Apples

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Sometimes, in my daily life, the fact that Apple is relatively special as a company escapes me. Working with Macs and other Apple products left and right at my work and at home does tend to shift my perception of what is normal in the world of gadgetry. In fact, the problems that I find to be incredibly annoying often center around the shortcomings of my fruit-flavored gizmos. Friends, I’m jaded about Apple. I’ll admit it.

But, once in awhile, I’m reminded of how good I have it. Owen asked me today what he’d have to buy to in order for his fiancée’s computer to support Danish when she arrives here from Denmark. Without missing a beat, I told him that he’d simply have to turn on the Danish language, select a Danish keyboard layout and plug in a Danish keyboard that she’d brought with her from Denmark. Then, I proceeded to mentally lament the fact that she can’t just buy a Danish Apple keyboard here in the States. Woe!

Whoa. Thinking about it a bit further, I just realized that not only does Apple make hundreds of keyboard layouts perfectly compatible with their operating system for no charge, but they also make dozens of translations of their operating system available for non-English speaking users. Further, they sell versions of their hardware tailored for regions around the world when they could just as easily half-ass it with slapping a few different keycaps in and calling it a day. Or no-ass it with just one ‘merican version of their products that those slavish foreigners have to make due with.

So, for just a moment, I’m going to be completely happy with Apple again. Just today.

I swear, I’m not just paranoid

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Considering how many notices we are getting on campus right now about flu in the newest pig flavor, I do have to wonder what’s going on. As you might remember, I’ve been a bit skeptical of swine flu since we started hearing about it several months ago.

And now a history lesson from CBS in 1979:

Just strikes me as strange that as early as 1976, the government was freaking everyone out about swine flu and forcing vaccinations – and here we are again. Could 1976 have been a trial run? Could this all just be terrible mismanagement and a fear-obsessed media causing organizations (like my school) to run scared? Is this as sinister as I am starting to suspect yet again?

(Thanks, Digg.)

(Fuck yo)UPS

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Thanks, UPS, you bunch of asshats who clearly live in a reality that is not the same as the rest of the Western hemisphere. Exactly WHO is not at work in the middle of the god damned day? I suppose there are retirees, unemployed and second or third shift people amongst your clientele but, by and large, people who receive packages are NOT FUCKING HOME DURING THE DAY! With this fact accepted, I have some questions:

  1. Why do you still insist upon delivering things that require signatures between the hours of 9 and 5?
  2. Why, too, do you refuse to allow me sign the Info Notice (there is a line on the back for this!) or leave a note with my signature as validation of delivery?
  3. Why do you specify that a second attempt will be made between time x and time y and then show up at time z?

To add further insult to this injury, calling 1-800-PICK-UPS (a pick me up it is not) results in a dumbfounded automated voice, two useless customer service reps (“David” and “Christopher” my foot,) and the revelation that you no longer offer second attempt delivery during the same day AND switching to a work address now incurs a $10 fee per package!

These are all WONDERFULLY consumer friendly practices, UPS. For your sake, I really hope that when the sorting center finally does call (as rep #3 promised they would) they CAN send the drive back out because the last I checked, 1:55 pm is BEFORE 2 – 5 and he FUCKED UP, not us.