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Unexplained

A typical morning

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The scene: intersection of MD-544 and MD-20.

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It’s like people here are predisposed to drive like ‘tards.  Could it be genetic?

The supporting evidence that I’m not losing it:

In a new study of college undergraduates, those with a common genetic variation scored 20 percent worse in a driving simulator than their counterparts.

“The people who had this genetic variation performed more poorly from the get-go and learned more slowly as they went along,” said Steven Cramer, a University of California, Irvine neurologist, who works on helping stroke victims recover. “Then, when we brought them back four days later, they had more forgetting.”

From Don’t Tell Geico: You May Be A Natural Born Bad Driver.

(Thanks, Sharenator and Wired)

Ever wonder what it’s like to see time?

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And not just as a clock on the wall…

The BBC has an audio clip with a synaesthete named Holly Branigan that explains just that. Unlike most patients suffering (I’m not sure it sounds like something to suffer through, frankly) from synaesthesia, Holly can see time in addition to space instead of smelling colors or feeling sounds. Her description is absolutely fascinating, if you have a moment to spare:

What is it like to see time? (BBC)

Gag me. Now.

Rant, Unexplained by

The fact that Ted Nugent has a hunting cabin near my home, making him a favorite of my dad and his buddies only adds to how infuriating the existence of this event is to me:

Verizon Wireless Sponsors Anti-Energy Bill, Right Wing Event

It’s like, can Verizon make itself look any more evil?  Align itself any more with the WalMart, phone holster and buckshot crowd? Can the rally attendees be any more the stereotype of themselves?  “God gave us the right to keep and bear arms?”  Seriously?

(Thanks, NewsJunkiePost.)

Update: Ironically, this is post number 1776, according to WordPress’s numbering.

I swear, I’m not just paranoid

News, Rant, Television, Unexplained by

Considering how many notices we are getting on campus right now about flu in the newest pig flavor, I do have to wonder what’s going on. As you might remember, I’ve been a bit skeptical of swine flu since we started hearing about it several months ago.

And now a history lesson from CBS in 1979:

Just strikes me as strange that as early as 1976, the government was freaking everyone out about swine flu and forcing vaccinations – and here we are again. Could 1976 have been a trial run? Could this all just be terrible mismanagement and a fear-obsessed media causing organizations (like my school) to run scared? Is this as sinister as I am starting to suspect yet again?

(Thanks, Digg.)

(Fuck yo)UPS

Rant, Unexplained by

Thanks, UPS, you bunch of asshats who clearly live in a reality that is not the same as the rest of the Western hemisphere. Exactly WHO is not at work in the middle of the god damned day? I suppose there are retirees, unemployed and second or third shift people amongst your clientele but, by and large, people who receive packages are NOT FUCKING HOME DURING THE DAY! With this fact accepted, I have some questions:

  1. Why do you still insist upon delivering things that require signatures between the hours of 9 and 5?
  2. Why, too, do you refuse to allow me sign the Info Notice (there is a line on the back for this!) or leave a note with my signature as validation of delivery?
  3. Why do you specify that a second attempt will be made between time x and time y and then show up at time z?

To add further insult to this injury, calling 1-800-PICK-UPS (a pick me up it is not) results in a dumbfounded automated voice, two useless customer service reps (“David” and “Christopher” my foot,) and the revelation that you no longer offer second attempt delivery during the same day AND switching to a work address now incurs a $10 fee per package!

These are all WONDERFULLY consumer friendly practices, UPS. For your sake, I really hope that when the sorting center finally does call (as rep #3 promised they would) they CAN send the drive back out because the last I checked, 1:55 pm is BEFORE 2 – 5 and he FUCKED UP, not us.

Hot Slut of Yesterday

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While taking a load of sandy whatsits to my car yesterday afternoon, Kate and I happened to be party to the most awesome display of dickitude ever. A seagull on a mission from god divebombed the crap out of a meth-faced beach beauty, sending her fries tumbling to the wooden walkway. As the ketchup exploded from its little plastic reservoir, the victim’s only utterance was “You little son of a bitch.” As if, perhaps, she had been bullied by this seagull in the past. Considering his balls to the walls performance, it seems likely.

Artist’s rendering follows:

Frysplosion!

Evil seagull, you are our “hot slut of the day” for yesterday, no matter what Michael K. says.

Best. Site. Ever.

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Facebook ads finally produced something that I was interested in! Jack Links (Messin’ with Sasquatch) Beef Jerky has created a microsite that they call “Living Sasquatch.” Using augmented reality, you can create your own miniature Sasquatch that appears in the room with you on screen. It’s actually a pretty compelling use of such technology in an ad campaign – if I ate beef jerky, I’d completely put Jack Links at the top of my list due to their creativity on this one. Anyway, once you get your very own tiny ‘squatch, you can make a movie with him by stitching together several predefined animations. Kate and I did just this, entitled “In Bed with Sasquatch.” Viewable here.

To make your own, be sure to check out Living Sasquatch. You know you want to. 🙂

I was so excited for a moment

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I received a delightful email a moment ago from Twitter, alerting me to something amazingly unexpected:

Bigfoot on Twitter

Naturally, my cryptid-minded self thought “Oh, sweet! Bigfoot researchers!” But, I soon realized that this particular team happens to race in the name of ‘squatches. Still, my disappointment was palpable.

In any case, hello to my new LeMons followers! Glad to make your Twitter-acquaintance.